it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
