I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize