Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
