I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
