I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
