I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think my vagina is haunted
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
