i think my tv is drunk
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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