Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize