Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
