I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
