Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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