No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
