I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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