There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
