i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
