in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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