remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
