Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
