On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
