I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize