just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
