A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
