Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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