why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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