The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
