No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
