just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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