I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
