Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
