we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
