My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize