All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
