He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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