Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize