I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
