He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
