I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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