You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
