Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize