We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he's gonorrhea incarnate
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
