It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
