I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
