I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
