I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i out mim tonsoeep
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