i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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