I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
