I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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