he shaved USA in his pubs
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
