Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
