I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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