I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We are all done wearing pants today
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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