I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
