If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
