I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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