ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
