i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
