ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
