why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
