I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize