I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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