Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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