My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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