The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
