i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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