Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
