She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
