Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he puts the penis in happiness.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
